If I'm Not Sleeping, No One Is

My wife calls my ability to nod off seemingly at will my "superpower."

I think she's just jealous. She's a light sleeper. She's often up and prowling around the house at all hours of the night while I usually have no trouble slipping into a deep and satisfying coma. Today, however, I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and for the life of me could not find it within myself to doze anymore.


A half-hour later I got up, thinking a trip to the bathroom might just put me back on the slumber train. Our fat cat Skitty must have heard me because when I emerged, she was waiting for me in the hall. Since Skitty is ALWAYS hungry, I made my way into the kitchen and gave her a handful of kibble before she could start whining about how we don't feed her enough.

When I started to make my way back to bed, our new dog, Jasper, barked at me. Jasper is a puppy. Puppies ALWAYS have to pee, so I took him outside so he could relieve his little puppy bladder in the yard instead of the carpet ... again.

When we got back inside, my wife called for me.

"Are you sick?" she asked. She clearly woke up to me stumbling around the house.

I replied no, that I was just wide awake at 4 a.m. for no good reason. I apologized and suggested she try to get some more rest.

When I sat down to write this post to complain about my inability to tap into my "superpower," our other cat started to fuss. Our Little Tuxie, as I like to call her because of her black and white coat, wanted to go outside. She apparently needed a bathroom break, too. I opened the backdoor and then returned to my laptop.


The weather this week should have made sleeping easy. Temperatures plunged in my neighborhood, making a pile of warm blankets a seductive ward against the chill. They at least should have made getting out from under them an unwelcome challenge.

For crying out loud! It's now 6:30 a.m. as I write this and it's 24 degrees outside! I should be tucking myself deeper into my bed, hitting the snooze button over and over again and resisting the very idea of throwing back the covers and letting the cozy warmth escape into a chilly day that's just now dawning.

Instead, I'm sitting here in my favorite chair and stabbing at my laptop's keyboard so I can complain on the internet about getting zero sleep.

Somebody, please make more coffee.

Because at my house, we're all going to need it today.



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